Assembling Self

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

An Ungrateful Adoptee

Ungrateful: Dissatisfied, faultfinding, ingrate, thankless, unappreciative, unthankful. These are just a few synonyms my Thesaurus gives me for “ungrateful”. A word that is commonly applied to adoptees who dare to speak out about their adopted status, situations, or circumstances, and to those of us who dare to step out of society's preferred role for us in adoption and are labeled “bitter” and “angry” instead in our reactions to the system of adoption. And YES, YES I am ungrateful for all of the injustice that goes on in adoption.

For the last twelve years I have been connected with the adoption community I have watched as adoptees and first parents have been lied to, denied access to vital life saying information, and have DIED or their children did trying to obtain it, or to pass it along to biological children. Countless adoptees desperately trying to find answers to their lives with falsified information and little in the way of facts to help them.  So many too, who have spent immense amounts of time, huge amounts of money, and wasted endeavors trying to sort truth from fiction in adoption searches. And, people who have no business in OUR business dictating to us how and what we should feel about adoption.

I have sat, and still sit, ring side to the agony, sorrow, pain, and suffering of adoptees searching and yearning for the truth for far too many days I care to count.

How, could I ever BE "grateful" for this for myself, or anyone else?


  1. It's like our flawed adoption system is society's "easy fix" for the first mother's predicament at the time, and then it's supposed to fill the void for parents who struggle with infertility, but our silent voices as the adoptees doesn't seem to matter in the scheme of things. And how dare we speak up and state our true feelings because we are labeled "ungrateful." IMO you can't put a price tag on a child's life and profit from loss and it be all about the child's best interests.