Adoptees Hidden Pasts

Hidden Pasts

How do I see the future when I can not find my past?
How can I build foundations that I know are going to last?
With bits and pieces missing and secrets kept from me.
How do I stop the questions and find serenity?
My mind is always traveling down roads that I create.
Where quests are finally finished and much sought answers wait.
Scenarios repeat themselves with solutions changed each time.
I roll the imaginary film and endings I could find.
My head is always in the clouds my feet not near the ground.
Can you hear my constant secret prayer, the song that has no sound?
My heart will always be tied to another time and space.
Until I find the passage to that secluded hidden place.
Where it started long ago, or once upon a time.
Each day until I find the path I'm searching for those signs.
The ones that will point out the way, the direction I should go.
To solve this life long puzzle, and the past I want to know.

I am a 51 year old adoptee who is not allowed identifying information about my biological family even after 3 court petitions over the last twelve years.  I am now on my fourth.  Even with multiple ongoing health problems since the age of 15 the government denies my right to be able obtain a full family medical background.

I have no idea where I was for the two weeks after I was born and taken from my natural mother without her being allowed to see me or hold me.  I can't get any information from the hospital or the medical clinic I was born in and received prenatal care from.  I have no idea in my biological family who I look like, who I take after, or have the ability to find those who may want to know me because they don't even know I exist.  I have no names, cities, or states to search for them.  I have no idea where many of my multiple health issues stem from.

It is time for the secrecy and falsifications about adoptee's lives to stop.  It is time that we quit lying to adopted children about who they are and where they come from.  It is time that adoption agencies, institutions, and lawyers quit stealing and profitting off of children and making marketable commodities.  It is time adoptees are given the truth.

You can't find peace until you find the pieces.