Assembling Self

Thursday, November 24, 2011

To My Adoptee Friends on Thanksgiving

Many years ago I used to spend the Holidays alone, in silence, and many times it was by choice.  I didn't have to pretend, or hide my pain, or be something I was not.  I found pretending to be far more exhausting than being alone.  My children have always had their father's family to go to and enjoy extended family they didn't get from me.  I encourage that because I know all too well the importance of family, and wouldn't want to deny them that, or for them to ever feel the magnitude of that kind of loss..

There are many adoptees who are ostracized from their adoptive families.  There are many adoptees who are rejected by their biological families, or can not locate them, or they passed away either before or after being found.   There are more adoptees than I care to count, that have neither family in their life.  This is such an over-whelming tragedy for an adoptee who did nothing other than be born.  It is difficult to comprehend, wrap your mind around, and deal with.  But, life can be cruel, and adoption can be a life long sentence without parole.

This time of year can be horribly painful and definitely depressing for adoptees who continually long for acceptance in either of their families.  For me, I have found solace in the adoption community.  They have been there in good times, and in bad times, through search, denial of contact, refusal of further communication, and during times of the year that are tough for us such as Birthdays and Holidays.

It's hard for those not adopted to understand this inner turmoil we experience.  It isn't surprising then that adoptees band together and support one another as they face and endure this time of year.  It's the greatest gift I've ever been given.  So, I'll end with a piece I tweaked from one of my favorite movies "Bruce Almighty"because it really does almost say it all for me.  To adoptees who are working for reform and education in adoption you ROCK.  To adoptees who are new and struggling I say HANG IN THERE!  We need as many of us as we can working together towards the right for all adoptees in this country to have their OBCs!!!  I am thankful for all of you today, and always.

"I have to say, I am so proud to be a part of our adoptee community, and I think, in a lot of ways a great community is like a great recipe.  You take some hardworking citizens, some caregivers, maybe a few nuts.   All sprinkled with the love and support of our good people.  Ultimately that makes the adoptee community one sweet place to be."

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