If you knew me in the "real" world I'm the office clown, the loyal friend, the nonjudgemental shoulder to lean on and confide in. But, I would never "go after" anyone and anyone who really "knows" me "knows" that. I stand up for myself and my experience. I will debate I don't deny that. I do get out my adoption soap box often and educate when and where I can. I am proud to have made many many people rethink their views of adoption and what it really means to those it affects. I have, and continue to work in adoption reform with adoptees who are happy with their adoptive families. You can be happy with your adoptive family but NOT agree with the way the system of adoption functions. AND as I state over and over and over again I am GLAD for them, and I don't deny and dispute their feelings and emotions. I would never want anyone or any child to have to endure what so many of us "unhappy" adoptees have. It's why I work as hard as I can, when I can, for the much needed overhaul to adoption.
I am used to being judged but not usually by other adoptees. Most "get it" or at least can empathize some. Adoption may define much of my life but it does not define ME in totality. You do not know "me" so do not label and condemn my life choice in expressing how I feel on an adoptee SUPPORT group. Do NOT access my mental health state with your amateur diagnosis and skills. Do NOT leave hate mail in my inbox. And seriously, if you don't like what you are hearing and don't agree then simply state your peace and leave!
I don't go to pro-adoption sites. I don't agree with what is being said and will never support the system of adoption as it functions with closed records and huge profits. SO I don't join in on discussions which want to make me pull my hair out and bang my head against the wall. See, I'm old and wise like that.
Sometimes I think these "happy" adoptees doth protest too much. Why do they have such a huge problem with those of us who have had terrible experiences with adoption? I think it threatens them and makes them question their own lives as adoptees. But, that is my personal opinion and I don't claim to be a counselor or therapist.
There are not many places in the world us adoptees have to feel safe to discuss our adoption experiences. Many of us simply do not allow anyone to see how adoption affects us because we are all too familiar with the judgement, criticism, and the never ending advice we get from those who have no idea what they are talking about. Adoption is not something you "get over". Adoption is not a one time transaction it is a life time event. If only these self proclaimed "happy" adoptees would instead place their time and energy into helping change the system of adoption and open records we wouldn't have the need for search and support groups. If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. 'Nuff said.