Saturday, December 11, 2010
I see this person staring back at me,
and I wonder who it is I see?
Are these her eyes? Is her face the same?
Do I look like him? What are their names?
Pictures like mirrors tell thousands of tales,
but the stories told have always failed.
In lending me the slightest clues,
to endless questions and intangible truths.
For I feel just like an empty shell.
That has no history or past to tell.
I pray I'll find which way to go,
to find the answers to these unknowns.
And finally lead me back to where,
I'll find that face that's in the mirror.
NAAM (National Adoption Awareness Month) was draining and exhausting. I don't regret plunging myself into the issues and emotions that talking and writing about adoption brings. It comes with the territory in adoption reform, education, and activism. And as difficult as it can be, it is always worth it. It does tend to give me something productive to do to avoid the Thanksgiving Holiday.
And now, it's December the time of the year when families come together. But, for many adoptees family means many different things, different feelings and issues, and the difference of missing, lost and relatives unknown. I am already praying for a quick passing of the next two weeks and to look forward, as I always do to a fresh new year.
I have talked about adoption most of my life and for the last twelve years to everyone and anyone who would listen. I don't want any other adopted child to be abused and rejected, and the dynamic of it magnified when a biological child enters the family who is loved and adored, and be left to deal with the long term emotional and psychological damage it does. I have been able to educate so many from friends to co-workers to near strangers of the issues of adoption with my story, and the stories of others. Now, they have new eyes to see the multitude of issues and tragedy adoption can bring to families, and how it can be corrected or avoided to begin with. No one should have to endure these times of the year outcast, alone, and forgotten by family.
The greatest Christmas gift on my list would be the names and some photographs of my biological family. Relationships with them would be a bonus, but not expected. I've lived my life without any “real” family for so long I'm not sure I would know how to act, or react. Actually having a biological relative I've never been able to meet at the Holiday dinner table, celebrating family connections, and sharing together in food, worship, or traditions is a dream yet unfufilled. I have to live with the reality that it may never happen. But, I will never give up hope it will, and for everyone else too. And, it's a almost a brand new year after all and isn't it about hope?