Assembling Self

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Connections - Petitioning the court again

Beneath the placid suface lies the unquenchable thirst for answers arise.
Lines of truth in vain I trace to fill the void and empty space. 
They thought the quest to find would die that determination could not survive. 
For connections severed and erased to a life uprooted and displaced. 
My desperate soul in sorrow cries as I give the puzzle one more try.
Collecting fragments left in place. 
Searching for pieces of my face. 

Here I go again petitioning the courts for updated medical information and or any information from my biological father I can get.  This is my fourth attempt hoping for ID information from my birth family, the second from my birth father.  I have already received a non-id letter from my birthmother in 1999, along with updated medical background.  Then again in 2007 with further updated medical upon my request.  They could not locate my birth father initially he was found however, in 2003 when I petitioned the second time.  My birthfather has denied he is my father although he stated per the court CI "he understands my need for this information everyone is healthy."  WHAT?  I would rather hear a resounding "NO INFO GIVEN" than a blatant lie, yet another one in this merry-go-round of information sifting, sorting, and gathering.  Oh well, it is what is it.

I have waited until after the Holiday season and through a job change and new job start.  Even after eleven years of searching no one is really truly ever fully prepared for the course you embark upon once you set these wheels in motion.  I know enough now to try and be in the best emotional place I can expect the worse and hope for the best.  Success to me @ this point would be to obtain any information about the other half of my family history on my birth father's side.

So, I will contact the court CI on Monday and get this crazy adoption search ball rolling.  If I get nothing I have lost nothing.  I lost when I was born into the closed records system of adoption.  I will however be able to hear the sound not many can hear with ears not many have.  The echo of the symbolic knock upon my birth father's "door".

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