Connections - Petitioning the court again

Beneath the placid suface lies the unquenchable thirst for answers arise.
Lines of truth in vain I trace to fill the void and empty space. 
They thought the quest to find would die that determination could not survive. 
For connections severed and erased to a life uprooted and displaced. 
My desperate soul in sorrow cries as I give the puzzle one more try.
Collecting fragments left in place. 
Searching for pieces of my face. 

Here I go again petitioning the courts for updated medical information and or any information from my biological father I can get.  This is my fourth attempt hoping for ID information from my birth family, the second from my birth father.  I have already received a non-id letter from my birthmother in 1999, along with updated medical background.  Then again in 2007 with further updated medical upon my request.  They could not locate my birth father initially he was found however, in 2003 when I petitioned the second time.  My birthfather has denied he is my father although he stated per the court CI "he understands my need for this information everyone is healthy."  WHAT?  I would rather hear a resounding "NO INFO GIVEN" than a blatant lie, yet another one in this merry-go-round of information sifting, sorting, and gathering.  Oh well, it is what is it.

I have waited until after the Holiday season and through a job change and new job start.  Even after eleven years of searching no one is really truly ever fully prepared for the course you embark upon once you set these wheels in motion.  I know enough now to try and be in the best emotional place I can expect the worse and hope for the best.  Success to me @ this point would be to obtain any information about the other half of my family history on my birth father's side.

So, I will contact the court CI on Monday and get this crazy adoption search ball rolling.  If I get nothing I have lost nothing.  I lost when I was born into the closed records system of adoption.  I will however be able to hear the sound not many can hear with ears not many have.  The echo of the symbolic knock upon my birth father's "door".

International Adoption In The News

I hate watching it sometimes but for many adoptees, and those with adoption connections, it's like passing an accident and slowing down to watch no matter how horrendous it is.  For others, like me, it's something you grab ahold of take a deep breath and don't let go until you are certain everyone around has had their eyes opened and are educated to the faulted system that is the adoption system.  I hate to see it, but I hope we can use these terrible circumstances for orphans from Haiti as opportunities to facilitate change in the adoption sytem for the better for all those involved, mostly for the children.

For the last 11 years, as best as I can, I have worked with individuals and groups towards the common goal of revamping adoption as we've known it.  The problems with Haiti and the orphans (if we truly know they are orphans) is the lack of education in groups claiming to "help" and laws that will protect these orphaned children and their biological families and the birth rites that can very easily be permanently lost along with way.  I am sure and certain that the safety of these children is of utmost importance first and foremost.  How this process is done is a whole other ballgame.  Even those with good hearts and the best of intentions can be lead down the pathway to....well as those of us with severed ties to our biological family know it...Hell.  Strong word calling this Hell?  YUP absolutely.

"Adoption Loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful".   I never deal in absolutes so I never claim to speak for all adoptees or those with adoption connections I'll just point the way to the massive amounts of people working within groups on social networking sites....'nuff said.   Now, back to International Adoption Law reading.  Better than an Ambien I swear....or maybe the sound deep sleep just comes from knowing I can make a difference.