Assembling Self

Sunday, October 31, 2010

November - National Adoption Awareness Month - Let The Educating Begin!

This is National Adoption awareness month and it is appropriate that it also falls as I begin my fourth court petition this month for identifying information about my biological family, as well as, attempting to obtain updated medical information. I have received twice in the last twelve years from my biological mother current family medical information from her side, but nothing identifying as she can not come forward to reveal that I exist. Although at one point in time a reunion was alluded to, it never happened. At first court petition my biological father was not able to be found. Upon my second petition in 2005, he was located and although he doesn't claim to be my father, but doesn't deny it either, he stated that he understood my need for current medical information but that everyone in his family is healthy. Yeah, right.

My existence is a huge family secret. Per my biological mother's words in the non-identifying information letter she sent through the court, “stories were set in place to explain my absence, only five people knew of my pregnancy, and to this day no one, not even my best friend knows”. Since most of the people who even know about me have died, or are getting older, my hopes and chances for ever finding my biological family dwindles each passing year. I will always believe my adoptive parents, especially my adoptive father, have identifying information about my biological family but this information will probably be taken to their grave.

My biological father is not listed on my original birth certificate, only mentioned in the paperwork I was told. That is not abnormal though as in those days proving paternity was difficult if the father denied it, and, mine did. There are avenues I could take since my biological mother stated she was still living in the same community when she became pregnant with me. With my original birth certificate and my birth name, I could have access to my hospital records from where I was born, some public records, High School yearbooks, have the ability to do genealogy and ancestry research, and many other things. I could finally know who my siblings are, something that I have wanted, wished, and hoped for, and perhaps have some relationship(s) with them. If not then at least I would have the truth about my life!

I have been in contact with the best searchers around over the last twelve years. With no names, no cities, or states to begin looking in (one down with Missouri only 49 left to go), and very little in the way of information about my biological family there is a slim chance of finding anyone. My only hope really is, either to have one of my biological parents come forward and sign the papers for release of their name, or to change Missouri adoption law to open original birth certificates for adoptees. I am not holding my breath on the first one so, I focus on adoption education, reform, and activism.

I have lost a great deal of my life petitioning courts, searching with what little I have and know, and registering at every adoption site I can. I should not have to battle multiple genetic illnesses without recourse to try and obtain proper updated family medical history. I should not have to lose time that could be spent in so many other productive ways. I should not be bound by adoption laws and policy, and the government, that has no right to withhold from me pertinent and important truths about myself.

What we want as adoptees are the secrets and lies to be replaced by truth and honesty in adoption. What we want is to stop being treated as commodities available for purchase and ownership. What we DEMAND is that we no longer be controlled by adoption agencies and the government who treat us as perpetual children, unable to handle our own life information.
I'm about to begin my National Adoption Awareness month education blog to be sent to the agency I was adopted out of for the judge to read, the confidential intermediaries, and social workers.  I am sending it off to legislators, and to several other adoption agencies. I will share it with anyone who is willing to open their minds and listen, and open their hearts to try and understand.


  1. Thank you Von, I do this for all of us, as I know you all do for me. :)

  2. I have posted a couple of different approaches to the problem of Open Records on my blog recently and, since my son was born in MO, I have a tangible interest in the open records legislation pending there. The one that was proposed was a TERRIBLE bill. I want them open, not just to adoptees but to mothers as well. Would you be willing to talk?

  3. Sandy certainly hit me up anytime. I can also be reached at